Peacemaking Women

Biblical Hope For Resolving Conflict

Book Details

Discerning Reader Editorial Review

Reviewed 07/25/2006 by Tim Challies.

Recommended. Biblical and thought-provoking.

If poll numbers and statistics are true indicators of knowing what people believe and evaluating how they live, then there is little difference separating the lives of professing believers in Christ from the lives of unbelievers. It is common knowledge today that in America the divorce rate of churchgoers is on a par with those who do not attend church. Teens raised in Christian homes rebel against their parents the same as teens who are not. The weekly women's prayer group is a misnomer for "gossip session." Family relationships are often broken over a loved one's last will and testament. Most women live motivated by their deepest fears rather than their professed theology. Many churches today are filled with Christians who struggle with shallow and conflicted relationships.

These issues are just a few reasons why there are so many Christians in psychotherapy. As a result, you can find a plethora of Christian mental health books and programs across North America. Our personal conflicts, which are abysmal recommendations for the gospel, send a damaging shockwave through our churches and communities not easily repaired. It would seem that we have relegated Christ's command to love one another to mere suggestion. In response, Tara Klena Barthel and Judy Dabler collaborate in Peacemaking Women to provide Biblical help and hope to Christian women who desire peace with God, with others, and within.

Realizing that only God's transforming grace can bring true peace, Barthel and Dabler do not offer a systematic formula for achieving peaceful relationships. They do offer principles and guidelines, which flow from the gospel, Jesus' teachings, and the belief that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. The first section of Peacemaking Women deals with a woman's conflicts with God. Without genuine peace with God, a woman cannot experience and build peaceful relationships with others, and she will not experience peace within herself. Barthel and Dabler discuss all aspects of idolatry and repentance, suffering and how we women "may be tempted to close our hearts to God" (p.65), and the importance of correct theology in our relationship with God.

"Conflicts often arise when we experience a disconnect between our confessional theology (what we profess to believe about God) and our practical theology (how we actually think and live). Because relationships clearly demonstrate our practical theology, biblical truth must deeply penetrate our hearts if we are to experience relationships of shalom" (p.27).

The "Conflicts with Others" portion is the heart of Peacemaking Women. Barthel and Dabler desire to help women navigate "the Slippery Slope" of the possible responses to conflict, which range from escape responses to peacemaking responses to attack responses, by offering biblical hope and wisdom.

"The Bible gives us a coherent set of principles to help us understand that there is a time to overlook, but there is also a time to confront. To determine how to respond to conflict wisely, we need a systematic approach based on key passages about forgiveness, confession, and confrontation. Without such and organized approach to conflict, we will probably respond emotionally and impulsively" (p.94).

Barthel and Dabler use "The Four G's" developed by Peacemaker Ministries (Glorify God, Get the log out of your eye, Gently restore, and Go and be reconciled) as a framework for seeking peace with another. One emphasis is on the importance of reconciliation. Barthel and Dabler believe that reconciliation is more than forgiveness and moving on in a relationship. Rather, reconciliation involves forgiveness and then a fully restored relationship. Other topics covered in this section of the book include how to develop and maintain peace-filled relationships, resolving conflict within romantic relationships, family relationships, and church relationships, and a chapter devoted to women who are leaders with powerful personalities and those who work with them.

In the final section of Peacemaking Women, Barthel and Dabler turn to the topic of having peace within by biblically addressing shame, depression, and fear. Each chapter contains information for identifying these issues within yourself and others, how to deal with them biblically, and living in peace through God's grace.

Barthel and Dabler live out what they teach others. While many of the stories shared in the book come from their professional experience as Christian counselors and conciliators, Barthel and Dabler also include several of their own struggles and conflicts. In their effort to be transparent, the book concludes with their personal testimonies regarding the conflict and reconciliation they had with one another while collaborating to produce this book. In fact, the book may not have been published had they not reconciled during the process.

Each chapter ends with a series of thought-provoking questions for personal reflection, a heartfelt prayer based on several scriptures, and a list of helpful resources for further study.

The scope of this book is rather broad. Barthel and Dabler use their experience and expertise to weigh in on a wide range of topics. While it does not give a thorough treatment of every single issue, Peacemaking Women is a fantastic introduction to many of these issues, and there are resource lists at the end of each chapter for those who desire more in depth study. One overarching theme in each chapter is the power of gospel to change our lives and our relationships. Because we all suffer from the fall, we will all deal with conflicts of various kinds and in differing degrees from one day to the next. What matters is the manner in which we seek resolution and restoration. Barthel and Dabler do not offer easy answers. The narrow way is hard. Experiencing conflicts reminds us how much we need his grace, and that we must extend that same grace to others. "In response to his grace, our hearts are fixed on Christ, and his love enables us to bear with the people in our lives and forgive-just as the Lord forgave us. We don't make peace. God makes peace to rule in our hearts because of his Son, Jesus" (p. 18). This book will prove beneficial for any woman. Peacemaking Women is a gold mine of biblical wisdom regarding relationships of all kinds, healing past relationship hurts, and guarding against future relationship mistakes. It will be particularly valuable to those women who are leaders in their spheres of influence and/or those who often find themselves filling the role of counselor for other women.