Newsflash: married folks will not be married beyond this life! That struck me afresh today. I know the reality of heaven will be better than marriage, but I still feel like I'm going to miss my wife Cheri incredibly. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
I. Marriage's Best Before Date
This book – Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood – is for everyone, says John Piper in his foreword. By ‘everyone,’ he means both married people and single people. In this foreword, he wants “to let single people do as much of the talking as possible.” After all, both Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul were single. This way, he suggests, “we will be listening and speaking at the same time.”Rather than talking down to single people from his perch as a happily married man, Piper’s desire is to represent biblical masculinity and femininity as the ideal for both married and single men and women. Inasmuch as this book speaks mainly about the married condition, Piper hopes married folks will learn from the single perspectives contained herein as much as singles learn from the married perspectives. To that end, Piper includes quotations from an assortment of single Christians in this chapter, many of them missionaries. These men and women aren’t thoroughly sanctified saints, but they have set apart their lives as single people to the service of Christ. In most cases they are singles who have yearned for spouses, but felt the pull of the missions field even more keenly than the pull of the married life.
II. Jesus’ Singleness
I appreciated Piper’s unique take on Christ’s teaching about the resurrection in Mark 12: “if two wives will not be one too many, then no wives will not be one too few.” I have never heard it expressed like that, and I suppose I have never reflected deeply on the reality of Jesus’ singleness – despite the claims of The Da Vinci Code, and a spate of similar books released on its coattails, that Jesus was indeed married. Conversely, “The most fully human person who has ever lived, or ever will live,” writes Piper, “is Jesus Christ, and He never once had sexual intercourse...He never knew it. And He is infinitely whole.”
III. Biblical Celibacy = Missional Opportunity
In 1 Corinthians 7, which we covered just a few weeks ago at my church, Paul wishes that everyone could know the freedom of celibate ministry, free from the constraints of caring for and providing for a wife and a family. Piper doesn’t use the word “missional” (was the term in operation back in 1991?) but it does sum up the essence of this section.
IV. Missions and Singleness: Often Joined at the Hip
In this section Piper continues to expound upon Paul’s single life and relate the experiences of many other single missionaries. One such testimony by African missionary Mary Slessor caused me to write “Wow!” in the margin. I will leave you, the reader, to locate the quote and drink in its inspiration. What stood out for me most in this section was the strong sense of God’s sovereignty over their wellbeing, their desires, and their callings. Many of them prayed ceaselessly for a spouse, but continued in the work knowing that God has first claim on their lives.
V. Singleness: Gift or Curse?
It may be one of the most difficult biblical passages for a single person to deal with: God, through Paul, calls the state of singleness a gift. But it feels so far from it! In fact, 99% of the time it feels the exact opposite – a curse. Through first-hand accounts, Piper shows how coming to view singleness as a gift is often a long journey of years, perhaps decades. In his inimitable way, he briefly and efficiently reconciles two passages in seeming tension: Genesis 2:18 and 1 Corinthians 7:7.
VI. Always a Bride
Or rather, always part of the bride – the Church as bride of Christ. Although it may initially seem like a cop-out, Piper advocates singles to throw themselves not only into missions, but into the life of the local church. There they will find fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters and children in Christ.
VII. Sovereign over Singleness
In this section Piper reiterates section IV in more generally applicable terms. Like single missionaries, single Christians at home may pray forever for a spouse but never gain that answer to prayer.
VIII. Back Where We Started
We come full circle to Piper’s original point: that mature Christian manhood and womanhood are not dependent on being married. More than mere anatomy and physiology, there are ancient, created, innate values in manhood and womanhood that God desires we honour and celebrate in obedience to Him.
My Turn
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and passed it on to my mom, who is my sister’s primary counsellor in her singleness. Employing the first-hand testimonies of so many single men and women undergirded the chapter with a sense of practicality and rootedness in the real world, which is important for those who may feel tempted to rip 1 Corinthians 7 out of their bibles.
I do have one big question mark about Piper’s stance on the way single women should relate to other men, which Piper foresees might be controversial: “a mature woman who is not married...does not welcome the same kind of strength and leadership from other men that she would welcome from her husband. But she will affirm the strength and leadership of men in some form in all her relationships with worthy men. I know this will need a lot of explanation. That is what I will try to do in Chapter 1.” The stage is thus set for my query; I will say no more about it until next week.
Please do follow the discussion Dwayne and I are hosting at Dwayne’s blog.
